A moment to reflect…

Pretty In Pink

How sweet it is.  Motherhood, that is.  Today, I take a moment to reflect and give thanks for everyone who was there for me this time last year.  Delivering my sweet angels was truly a labor of love, and without the incredible support I received from family, friends and the medical staff at St. Joseph’s, I don’t know how I would have gotten through it.

I could have never dreamed I’d be admitted to the hospital at 26 weeks, much less deliver at 29 weeks.  My stay in the hospital was necessary, and I knew that from Day One.  All the books and advice I took in could not have prepared me for a more unpredictable turn in my pregnancy.

What I remember the most from that precious day was hearing a tiny cry when they delivered my firstborn.  I was so relieved and overwhelmed with joy.  I looked up and saw the tiniest baby, as they announced it was a girl and held her up for me to see.  Within seconds, they pulled the second baby out and announced it was also a girl.  I didn’t get to see her, and her cries were too faint to hear.  They prepared to whisk my babies away and asked Victor to join them as they transferred them to the NICU.  A wave of relief washed over me, but also sadness as I lay there on my own as they stitched me back up, without my babies and without my sweetheart.

It seemed like hours before I saw Victor again, though I know it was only a few minutes.  I was shocked when I learned how small they were, weighing in at only 2 lb 5 oz and 1 1b 12 oz.  I prayed their tiny size would not be a factor in their health and wellness.  I was wheeled over to meet them later that night, and thought they were so BIG compared to the image I’d played in my mind.  It was love at first sight, the moment I saw them.  I remember they were not next to each other, and that broke my heart, but I knew they’d still be close as ever regardless of their temporary separation.

Despite the pain I was in during my healing, I walked to the NICU the very next day to visit my girls.  I couldn’t get enough of them, and was so sad they wouldn’t be going home with me.  I spent Christmas eve in the hospital, and after exchanging our Christmas gifts on Christmas morning, I was released Christmas night.  

Although it was nice to finally be home, I remember feeling so empty having just given birth to two beautiful babies, yet being in such a quiet home.  I remember the comments, “Enjoy the quiet while you can; You’ll never be able to sleep again;  Enjoy your last days of ‘freedom’ before they come home”.  They were all wrong.  I cried myself to sleep wishing I could hear them cry all night, and comfort them in my own arms.  We called the NICU at all hours just to get an update on how they were doing.

One week later, we finally named our angels.  It was the most meaningful task we were ever faced with.  I know many were surprised in how long it took us, but we just could not begin to think about names until we knew they’d be okay.  We also wanted to get to know them a bit better, and make sure their names reflected their big personalities.  Today, I am happy with our choices as their personalities shine through more each day, and know we made the right choice in taking so long.  

Eva Grace and Zoe Elyse are our angels.  We were truly blessed on December 23, 2009, and the blessings continue as they grow.  There is no sweeter music than their little screams when they beg us to get them out of their cribs, and their little chatter when they seemingly talk their secret language as they stare at each other across their cribs with such expressive faces.

We are anxiously waiting for them to learn how to walk, so we can spend our days running after them and push the memories of them in the NICU further and further away from the present.

{Happy Birthday, Eva and Zoe)

You are more precious than you’ll ever know. 
xoxo Mommy


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